![]() ![]() How could people who are so successful be so unhappy?īrilliant people often have feelings of grandiosity. We’ve all heard of great composers, writers or artists who were unbelievably creative but suffered from depression throughout their lives. When people like Peter confront their dark pasts, they can finally become whom they truly want to be. But when he finally confronted the fact that he’d had a lonely childhood because his mother spent very little time with him, he managed to build a loving and long-lasting relationship with a woman for the first time. He’d hurt a number of people on his quest for more and more sexual partners. Miller knew one such man, Peter, who had been a heavy womanizer for years. When such patients connect with themselves as children, they’re finally able to connect with themselves as adults too. This may take a while, but patients can experience a big change when they finally confront their own emotions, often with the help of therapy. The good news is that you can change your harmful behavior by dealing with your childhood memories. Others might drown their sorrow in alcohol or drugs. Some people might acquire complicated sexual fetishes, for instance, or they’ll start seeking out a high number of casual sexual encounters instead of looking for a meaningful emotional connection. When adults feel the onset of unwanted feelings from the past, they often look for an outlet that can provide a rational explanation for them. However, if they actively avoid dealing with dark childhood memories, their emotions get expressed in other ways. Unlike children, adults try to keep their emotions in check to live a socially acceptable life. Repressed emotions can resurface in adulthood in a number of ways. Rather than being free, the people who engage in these activities are actually caged in the mental prison of their childhoods. Sexual fetishism, womanizing and drug use are often viewed as lifestyle choices, but the mental reality behind them is usually much darker. Repressing your emotions and memories can have serious, long-term consequences. It had a terrible impact on his sexuality.Ĭhildren with parents like these often lose touch with their feelings as they get older. Alice Miller, the author, knew of a case of one unhealthily attached mother who went so far as to massage her son’s genitals when he was almost in puberty. And if they were beaten, they’d learn to suppress their tears and pain so as not to provoke their father even further.Ī child with an overbearing mother might have problems with their sexual development. From an early age, that child would learn to obey their parent rather than following their own wishes. As children grow up, they learn they have to quell their emotions so their parent will love and accept them.Ĭonsider a child with an over-controlling father, for example. They’re nostalgic for those easier days when their parents took care of them and all they had to do was play.īut childhood isn’t just fun and games – it’s also the time when most of us learn to suppress our emotions. They’ve lost their ability to connect with themselves – a problem often rooted in their childhoods.Ī lot of people have rose-tinted memories of being a kid. Sadly, these therapy patients struggle to feel anything real. Life is empty without emotion emotion is what makes life worth living. That’s part of why so many therapy patients say they can’t feel anything, whether it’s shame, jealousy, happiness, sorrow or joy. Why is that?Īs adults, we often lose touch with our own emotions. Have you ever felt like you were missing something, even though life was going well? We all feel this way sometimes. what the consequences of being abandoned as a child are and.why people deny the importance of their childhood.In this summary of The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller,In these book summary you’ll learn Still, many of us overlook the bearing of our childhoods on our adult life. Not only can childhood trauma lead to emotional problems and addiction, it can also prevent people from becoming who they truly are. If left undealt with, these memories can have far worse consequences than heated arguments over Christmas dinner. Whatever their relationship to their parents and siblings, many adults carry unresolved – and painful – memories from their childhood. ![]() Have you ever experienced that weird chemistry that can arise when you meet your parents or siblings for a holiday get-together? When old conflicts and feelings from your childhood seem to resurface and create tension? You might think that your childhood is a thing of the past.
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